Monday, August 15, 2011

Canada puts the divine right back in the murder machines

Thank God our righteously mandated conservative government is doing some serious conservation and putting "Royal" back in the names of Canada's navy and air force. I can finally stop pretending that I don't vote because of revulsion with my democratic options and reveal that all along I've just been waiting for an opportunity to flaunt my shriveled, impotent, monarchistic penis. Why perpetuate the democratic and multicultural principles of a proud nation of thirty four-odd million souls when you can worship a single inbred, violently ascendant, beautifully porcelain and slightly balding European household?

Personally, I think we should use our newly revitalized air and sea forces to rescue Will and Kate from the clutches of Great Britain. I'm sure they'll have some great ideas about where we can use our awesome new Royal Navy and Royal Air Force. Maybe they'll let us do the whole India thing again? I've always thought they didn't get it hard enough the first time. Let's hear it for the scepter of divine right!


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